I Am Second....or am I?

Today was the first day of church for year 2011.  What a challenging service.  It was geared towards making your year's focus on God.

They showed 2 clips from a website whose purpose is to make God the primary focus in the hearts of Americans.  It shows celebrities (musicians, actors, sports figures, etc) who have stepped forward to declare that they are not who they are but for Jesus. 

The first clip was of Stephen Baldwin.  He mentioned that his cleaning lady was instrumental in his and his wife's salvation.

The second clip was of Michelle Aguilar, previous winner of The Biggest Loser. This one really hit home with me.  Michelle talked of her severed relationship with her mother and how it lead to overeating and gaining over 100 pounds.  I saw a lot of me in her testimony.  I haven't gained 100 lbs and I'm not morbidly obese, but I do get comfort from food. I'm an emotional eater and I internalize a lot of my feelings for fear of abandonment.

In my short life, I've been abandoned by those closest to me.  I fear that everyone in my life will eventually leave me.  I parent the way I do because of how I was raised.  I refused to let my son cry it out as an infant because I knew the pain of feeling alone - he slept with us for the first 18 months of his life.  I hate arguing or fighting with people because I ultimately think they will turn around and walk out on me and bring everyone else along with them.  Come on, if your parents can leave you, why couldn't an acquaintance, a friend, a child, a husband. I jeopardize friendships so that I'm the one leaving and I try to control everything so that I can't be hurt or let down by anyone again.

Michelle said something so profound though.  She said "when I was in control was when my life was out of control". So, as of today, I'm going to make the change. I'm going to give God control of my life.  I'm going to become second.  He has already taken care of the loneliness, the heartache, the frustrations, the feelings of inferiority, and all that junk I live with everyday.  He has made me a new person when I was saved so many years ago...I just haven't let him take control.

So, today, I introduce you to me, I am second..........

If you want to see the amazing testimonies, please follow this link: http://iamsecond.com/#/seconds/Michelle_Aguilar/