Struggling a little...

Olivia had her 3.5 year assessment right after Christmas.  She is a bright girl and did well with what she was asked to do, but it was noted that her left eye seemed weaker than her right eye.  She has been to the optometrist in the past, and at the time of her 3.5 yr assessment, I couldn't remember the optometrist saying anything about her left eye. 

As a couple days passed, I had a vague memory of him mentioning something.  However, she was 2 when she had her appt, so, I believe at the time we chalked it up to her being 2 and not being comfortable with the tests.

After her assessment, I called the optometrist and his receptionist confirmed that it was noted that her left eye was indeed weaker than her right.

We opted to wait for a full year to revisit.  So, we would make an appointment in the summer.

Since the assessment, we had been noticing Olivia's left eye turning in quite a bit at night time.  We weren't sure if it was psychosomatic or if she indeed had a problem that needed to be looked at.  So, we made an appt for yesterday with the optometrist.

To our dismay, her left eye is considerably weak and my baby girl needs glasses!  I'm not sure why I'm struggling with this.....is it the year's of teaching (aka brainwashing) that told me that nothing bad will ever happen to you or your family if you believe or pray right??? is it that I have the images from kids in my past who were made fun of for wearing glasses??? is it my own insecurities that my child isn't perfect??? I don't know....maybe a mix of all 3. 

I know the first one is a big factor.  I have been taught in church for so many years that if you believe it and claim it, and have enough faith, nothing will come nigh you or your family.  I'm not theological and don't claim to know everything about the Word and what it says and doesn't say.  However, I believe that this teaching has left me with nothing but guilty feelings...and I don't think guilt is from God.  It makes me wonder if I didn't pray right, did I not believe enough, etc.  It makes it seem like my fault. I'm at a loss on what is the right teaching on faith and will of God.  I truly believe that God doesn't want bad things to happen to us and our loved ones and that we must have faith.  I also have a strong belief that we live in an imperfect world and to believe that only good things will happen to us is a disillusionment. The fact that my 3-year-old needs glasses and can't see very well out of her left eye can't be a result of not believing enough, can it? 

What I'm trying to focus on right now is that eyeglasses really aren't that bad.  Many people wear them and are okay with it.  So, why do I still feel so guilty and sad?

I think I might just have to think of all the things she has been spared in her life because of my faith and because of my belief in God and His will for mine and my family's life. 

I Thessalonians 5:18 – In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

So, God I thank you for a beautifully healthy, talented, gentle, sweet, energetic, generous and loving daughter.  I know that your hand is on her and that you are concerned for her.  Please help me today to feel your love and grace instead of guilt as I know that feeling is not from/of You.