Prayer

From insecurities come jealousy, from jealousy comes denial that it is your problem and you begin to blame the other person for doing things, being a certain way, etc

This feeling can drive you crazy.

I was tested today after asking God for help a little while ago. I'm still trying to get in the right mind-frame and not compare, etc. I found this prayer.

Lord Jesus Christ, I am caught in a web of jealousy that stays with me. Help me to put away from me this evil which your Word tells us rots bones (Prov 14:30) and even shortens lives . Bring home to me the further evils to which it leads if it is left unchecked: slander, calumny, hatred, damaged relations, persecutions, and worse things. Let me dwell constantly on the motives for loving others rather than being jealous of them. Remind me of the fleeting character of all life's attachments and successes and of the fact that our true happiness lies in being united closely with You and with all others in You.

May I remember this when jealousy and comparing myself to others rears its ugly head. May I seek God instead of seeking for ways to compare my life to someone else. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a child of God! He loves me and has made me who I am. I am special and I don't need to feel insecure.

"jealousy comes from comparing your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reels" I don't want to let it steal my joy!

40 Days In The Word

So, our church started "40 Days in the Word" last week. It is basically a DVD lesson spread over 6 weeks where we meet as small groups to go over how to read/study the bible.

I'm ashamed to say that reading the bible hasn't ever been a priority with me. I've never learned how to do it, I've never developed te habit, and I've never taken the time to see if I could enjoy it.

I believe their 6 ways to study based on this "course" by Rick Warren. So far, we've learned "pronounce it" an this week we just learned "picture it".

Tonight's devotion while doing the Picture it method, I went through the newly learned steps of how to have/prepare for a quiet time (devotion)--something else I've never learned or practiced.

Step1: wait on God
I sat quietly, listen to a worship song, etc

Step2: Pray briefly
I began to pray aloud, and found myself talking and talking and then remembered that if I'm having a conversation with God, I need to listen to what He may have to say back. So I found my praying changed. I would say something and then wait, say something else and then wait. I found when I was praying like that, my prayers were more intentional, I felt very connected to my audience (if you will). Just sitting in silence made me slightly emotional as I started to feel how God felt about me.

So, I kinda ignored the briefly part, but it was awesome. I didn't watch the clock, and felt as though I could have continued for a while.

Step3: read a section of scripture....slowly
Tonight I read my assignment of Mark3:1-6. The story of the man with the shriveled up hand on the sabbath.

Step4: Meditate and memorize
I'll be honest, tonight I did not memorize 6 verses of scripture. But I did read it slowly with some verses reading and rereading a couple times.

Step5: write down what God Shows you
Luckily, we have a handbook that leads us in the right path. The questions tonight"Be the man with the shriveled hand: are you incapacitated in any part of your life" and "be the Pharisee: are you disturbed when Jesus breaks religious rules or does something out of the ordinary"

I skip the first question...I don't identify. Then I write my answer to the second. As I'm writing my answer the the second, I start thinking about the first again. I'm really trying to identify with him...but obviously still trying to play the part of "everything's okay with me". Then it hits me..yes, I do identify with him.

My shriveled hand is my overwhelming fear of rejection and abandonment. Normal days it doesn't bother me....but if a friend seems upset or quiet, I assume it is me and she doesn't like me, if Scott and I argue, I feel that he will just up and leave me...those feelings are debilitating. They hurt and they aren't rooted in te truth. They are insecurities from my childhood/past.

Step6: Have your time of prayer
So, since our workbook has two more sections where we are supposed to write down how the passage applies to us and what we will do about it and also a section where we can write our prayer, I just sat quietly after filling out those sections and listened for what God might say.

All I have to say is that the song Jesus loves me came to my thoughts. Such a simple truth, but yet so profound. He does love me, when ever I doubt if people in my life love me for me or whether they will abandon me, I need to remember that Jesus loves Me! He is for me! He has great plans for me! Don't focus on my feelings, focus on what I know....Jesus Loves ME!!!

I think tonight's devotion was awesome and now a little more than an hour later, I'm done my devotion. One more part to devotions is sharing with others what we learned. So there you have it...we are all soooo loved :)

Once A Month Blogging...

It has been a month since last time.

I think about blogging often, but don't take the time. Tonight I was checking out someone's blog and felt the urge to blog.

Since my last blog, there are a few updates:)

I've started running. First, it was against my will...well kinda. I love Zumba, but my best friend wanted to try something different. She and a good friend from work who runs marathons, talked me into trying it.

I went into it thinking I would hate it and that I would fail.

I was raised as the fat kid..."your sister was so tiny that she could sit in a bucket at 2 yrs old, you were so fat that when you were born (10 lbs 14 oz), the doctor said you don't need to feed that baby, she can get up and walk to get her own food".

So with that kind of ego builders, I've grown up insecure and unsure of myself physically. I believe I sabotage a lot of my weight losing goals to love up to what I've been told about myself. With that said, I am NOT obese in any way. I am overweight at 160 lbs and 5'3", but to see me walking down the street, I would not get stares from being overweight.

Anyhow, back to running. To up the ante and to keep us on track, we signed up for a 5k walk/run. So, now I've invested money, I need to complete my goal of running a 5K.

To my surprise, I love it...like L-O-V-E it love it! It is hard work, but not only do I feel good about it, I can only compete with myself, I get to practice perserverence, and motivation and earnest hard work, I also get my quiet time back.

Most people when they work out, listen to dance or upbeat workout music. By fluke, my mp3 player was on Chris Tomlin. With the first run when I was struggling, I just lifted my eyes, listened to the words and began praying for help...I've listened to Chris Tomlin eer since. If you know Chris, his songs are mostly church worship songs and slower paced. But the more into it I get, the faster and easier the running is.

I have become a RUNNER...yay me!

Tomorrow is my oldest baby's 7TH birthday! Wow! I knew it was coming, but oh my land, Noah is 7. What a great boy he is. I love him to pieces!!!

Today we had his birthday party. Like a lot of people recently, I was inspired by Pinterest. Noah is in love with all things Lego. So his party was Lego themed. I made a Lego cake, I decorated the gift bags to look like Lego, his invitation was a Lego invitation, the plates and cups were in Lego primary colors, and his gift bag contents had a Lego figure and Lego candy for his friends. I think it was his best party yet...I just wish sometimes that all of his friends were as well-behaved as others. In the end, the rowdy one learned who was in charge and began to show his respectful side.

Speaking of how great Noah is, I heard something about him and his character the other day. Actually, the comment was about both of my kids. One of their daycare teachers retired. On her second to last day, while picking up Olivia, she proceeded to tell me about Olivia's day. Apparently earlier that day, Olivia felt inspired to walk up to the teacher wrap her arms around her and say "I love you, Bevvy!"

Bevvy told me the story and proceeded to boast about my kids. She told me that both of my kids are GREAT kids, they are pleasant, polite, and it shows that Scott and I spend a lot of time with them teaching them what is right and take them to the right places.

All you parents out there know how these comments make your heart swell. I know to hear that my kids are exhibiting good behaviour when I'm not around to force it is such a great feeling! It is all about moulding our kids to be good Christians. I think Noah and Liv are on their way!

I must log off and get some rest...tomorrow we have Noah's favorite meal - salmon - and he gets to go to a hockey game with his dad after Sunday school and choir practice. I love the weekends, especially the ones that celebrate one of my best gifts ever!

Happy Birthday my sweet boy! I love you so much!!!

Hope in the pain....

Today has been an emotional day putting myself in other's shoes as I watched a beautiful young family say goodbye to their one month old.

The difference in a believer's funeral and that of a non-believer is so vast. Today, there was a message of hope in the pain. The young father got up and spoke to the congregation of his tragic loss, but of his love and hope because of his faith in Jesus. He showed such maturity and wisdom that could only come from a real relationship with God and trust that all will work for good.

At a time when it would be easy to choose anger, bitterness and independence from God, he and his young bride showed resolve to continue to bless His name and have hope.

The other night, after finding out about this tragic loss, Noah randomly asks me a faith question. He asks, "when you sin, do you have to ask Jesus to be your forever friend again?" (for Sunday School purposes, they teach salvation as asking Jesus to be their forever friend). I responded that wen you first ask Jesus to be your forever friend you ask him to forgive you of your sins, but you also ask him to come live in your heart. When you sin, you only need to ask for forgiveness cause Jesus doesn't leave your heart unless you ask him to.

A few seconds pass and Noah asks, "why would anyone ever ask Jesus to leave their heart". This young family's loss was fresh in my head, so I explained that a lot of bad things happen in the world and some people get angry with God and choose to blame him for the bad. I explained that the bad isn't Jesus's fault. I explained that we as Christians need to know when the worst things happen, we have to ask Jesus to help us not feel sad, angry and he woul help us"

Amazing the deep questions that can come from a 6-almost-7-yr-old. When I left his room, I had a heavy heart hoping I did okay in tr answering.

Almost a week later, I have seen proof that I gave the right answer. To see this young Family standing up worshiping to "blessed be your name" just feet away from their baby girl's casket is proof to me that no matter how hard something is, no matter how much pain you have, there is hope in Jesus and He will help you get through it.

They ended the funeral by singing "Because He Lives"....I thank God that no matter whAt comes my way, I can face the tomorrow's because He lives and gives me hope!

Do you believe in Santa?

Before I start, please be warned that offense may happen as I step on my soap box. However, please also know that this is NOT aimed at anyone specifically and it is only a result of a conversation I had with my six-year-old son tonight..,

So since Noah was a baby, I've struggled with the decision to teach and/or support the Santa Claus theory.

When he was a baby, there was never a problem with it. He was too little to even know what Christmas was let alone Santa and everything else. We bought his gifts along with family and the word "Santa" was never mentioned.

When he was younger, I would tell Scott that I refused to allow our kids to believe in Santa. Coming from a united Pentecostal background, teaching Santa to your children didn't happen. I grew up knowing he didn't exist and I don't feel I missed out on anything.

As he got older, the world of Santa has been introduced to him. Daycare, school, television play a huge part. His daycare (after Olivia was born brings in a "Santa" and gives each child a gift which the parents pre-purchase, wrap and drop off to the daycare prior to the special visit.

When this would happen, we would tell Noah/Olivia that gifts from Santa only happen at daycare. We didn't want them to not get a gift when other children did, but they were too young to be trusted with the "Santa is not real" discussion for fear of the other children's familial beliefs.

This year, both kids were discussing openly about Santa and how they were excited for Christmas. We had had enough. Since earlier in the year we had briefly touched on the subject on Santa not being real, we went into more detail explaining how he wasn't real and that all gifts come from mom and dad and family. They seemed to get it; weren't disappointed since we had never made Santa a big deal.

Today, while at my company's Christmas party, Noah decides to write Santa a letter. I quietly explain that all his gifts are bought. He proceeds to tell me that "yes, but I'm asking Santa for something else that he can make and bring to me". I asked him if he remembered what we discussed a few nights before. He said yes, but wasn't sure he believed me. Since we were in a crowded room full of believers, I left it at that and knew that Christmas morning e would clearly know that he isn't exist since that item would NOT be under the tree.

Tonight, instead of doing a devotion, I told Noah the story of Saint Nicholas (VeggieTale style) and how from that wonderful act of spreading Jesus' love, the story of Santa Claus came out.

I, then, had an "AHA" moment. I told Noah that Saint Nicholas was a person like us and that people die. I asked Noah if he thought that anyone could live forever. He knew right away that God never dies and that Jesus died but came back to life. I then asked if he thought any other person could live forever without dying? He said "no".

Here is my soap-box moment... From that I had a moment of sadness for all Christians who teach their children that Santa is real. They are not only lying to their child, they are also giving someone else the same power that God has. Think about it..Santa never dies, you can't see Santa but he exists,Santa sees everything you do and rewards you if you are good, Santa brings them joy by delivering all these gifts on Christmas day.

If you want your child to believe in the one and only true God, you can't lie to them about Santa....cause really there are too many similarities in the story. I truly believe that this innocent story has been used by centuries to put the same doubt that children have about Santa in their minds about God. You can't tell them Santa is real, then when they find out it isn't true expect them to believe that God is real too.

Stepping off my soap box now!

Arghhh! Why the controversy...

So, tonight I post a harmless status update on Facebook, and the first response makes me livid.  What was a reflection on MYSELF somehow became a pissing contest over the controversy of working mom vs stay-at-home-mom.

My post was "Hmmm, I wonder if I were a stay-at-home wife/mom, would I learn to love housekeeping/cleaning? I would certainly have more time for it, but I doubt I would devote much time to it....yup, I think I would be lazy!  Thankfully, I like working outside the home!"

I was simply stating the fact that I don't think I would be a good stay-at-home wife.  I feel that if I were to choose that for our family, one of my main duties would be to take care of the home, in it's entirety, while my husband supported our family. (this is my personal opinion for me and my family).  I would not expect my house to be in the state that it sometimes is with both of us working.  I would expect untidiness at times, but I would expect that for a better part of my time at home, I would be keeping the house in good shape. 

My status was simply stating that since I hate the housework and the daily chores around the house, I don't think I would make a good stay-at-home wife.

I didn't mention children, raising children, the blessing of being able to raise them....

For someone to bring children into this is a huge critical daggar to me....I don't feel that I'm NOT raising my children.  I work outside the home. I still wake my children up, pack them a lunch (while in school), I do their homework with them, I cook their supper, I give them baths, I do devotions with them, I do their prayers at night, I tuck them in, I play with them, etc.... How am I not raising them? So, to comment on my self appraisal of a housekeeper and say that it is a blessing to be home and raise one's children, really ticks me off....

I have friends who are stay-at-home-moms and I have friends who are working moms. I've come to a pretty profound conclusion over who loves their children more....

First I will explain my choice of being a working mom....
Back before I was ever pregnant, I used to say that I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom.  During my maternity leave, I looked for every at-home opportunity to earn money. I dreaded going back to work and leaving my child with someone else during the day.  I sat down with my husband, we discussed the options and really looked at the finances and our quality of life and what we wanted.  We chose, together, that I would return to work. I got slack from a couple people, but it was my choice.

After the first few weeks, I really enjoyed working outside of the home.  There were times when I would have loved to be at home....but those days existed before I had kids too.  I enjoyed the socialization of work, I loved what I did, I felt satisfied and like I was accomplishing something.  I also felt like I was helping my husband with any financial strain he might feel supporting our family. Most of all, I felt the wonderful joy of spending my evenings and weekends with my family where we would have fun, we would play and we would just enjoy each other's time.

I didn't feel that my son (and now my daughter) ever loved caretakers more than me.  I never felt that I was missing out on development. I have yet to regret our decision for me to return to the workplace.

I have a wonderful workplace where family is a priority.  I am free to take time off with the kids when they are sick, I am free to take appointment time with the children. I have ample vacation time to spend with my family making lasting memories.  I have wonderful hours where I have evenings and weekends to spend with them.

Now my big revelation....who loves their kids more...stay-at-home-moms or working moms......
NEITHER... We are mothers and we all love our kids the same.  We would do anything for them and would rather see them happy than anything else in the world. 

As women, we need to stop trying to make the other side of what we are living feel guilty for their choices.  As responsible adults, we do what we feel is right for our families and this stupid controversy over which parent is better and which parent is more blessed really makes me angry.

Working moms love their kids.  Stay-at-home moms love their kids.  Neither one are better than the other. They have both made choices and sacrifices as a family unit and they are living the life they chose.  They don't need condemnation or criticism from anyone.

As mom's we have enough guilt in our lives, we don't need it from each other. Let us support one another in our choices.

Hello hello

Just in case anyone has missed me, I'm still alive :)

We've had a busy month. We had a wonderful 2 weeks spending quality time as a family while the daycare was closed. I can't believe how good it is to have a lot of time all together without agendas, without schedules, without limitations and just time to spend together and loving on each other.

As always, we did a lot of local activities; water park, amusement park, provincial park, an other local and regional tourist attractions.

I went back to work feeling rejuvenated and very happy and thankful forthe time
We got to spend together.

Hope everyone out there is having a great summer :)